Lost Part Deux

Another cause of my feeling alone is my family. I love my family, but they just don't mesh well with me. I see everything through such different eyes than they do. Being at my house for six weeks has made me realize how suffocated I feel there. I feel like I can't win here, like I'm trapped. I don't know. This night has just made me think a lot. While waiting for them to decide on what to do after we had finished eating, I sat on a ledge thinking, and thinking, and thinking. I did that a lot. Once I get in my head, it's hard to get out. Being in my head is what made me feel like crap. Thinking about people who I want to be friends with, but when I'm around them I feel like those dream sequences where your chasing after someone who is slowly walking away, but you never catch up to them because for some reason you're running in slow motion. Do they act so childish because I'm not their macho man stereotype, and this threatens their masculinity? Or is it because they are jealous that I am far more a man than they? I don't know. I'm not a psychologist with a fancy chaise lounge chair. I'm just the one that asks the questions. I apologise if a lot of my blog posts get you down. I normally have a very sunny disposition, but every so often I think and it upsets me.