Wonderful Torture

Being separated from you sucks a little, but the joy I get from thinking of you crushes the pain into a pulp. You want me to move on. I'll try, I promise I will because you want me to. I don't want to though. I don't want to let your love slip through my hands. I don't want to look back and actually regret something in my life. I've lived so far without regretting anything because it led me to this point, but I don't want to go further if you're not there as more than just a really good friend. I don't know if you read this, but I hope you do. Writing is how I'm able to fully express myself since seeing you smile and staring into those beautiful green eyes make me speechless, unable to form even a coherent sentence. I saw you last a week ago. It's been a hard week trying to see people that can compare to you. I know I shouldn't be one of those people who refuses to get involved with other people because they compare it to their old wonderful relationship, but I can't help it. You changed my life. I'm so glad I found you, and I want to stay glad that I found you. But it's only been a week, so when I see you in 5 weeks I may have moved on. I doubt it, but there is always a possibility. I'll keep telling you about people I find attractive, but it's really just a facade to make you think I'm trying. I'm sorry for deceiving you, but I'm afraid of letting happiness get away. I miss you.